I am pretty sure that my kids and I are permanently banned from Sears Portrait Studio for life. After the scene we caused, our picture must be hanging in some temper tantrum hall of fame or something. So here's how it all went down...
I love sending out Christmas cards. I love sending out picture updates of my kids. I am a proud mama. I decided this year to go all out. Get a professional picture taken of the kids to put on the card. I bought new outfits, scheduled the appointment at the perfect time (when I knew the kids would be happy and fed and not tired), and pictured the perfect Christmas card in my head. It would be magical...
So as you can suspect...it did NOT go that way.
I got the kids all dolled up in the cutest matching outfits you have ever seen. Fed them a nutritious breakfast, packed the Mary Poppins diaper bag with snacks, drinks, bottles, diapers, wipes, toys and a wardrobe change for the kids. We headed out to the mall and everyone was happy. We met my grandmother at the mall ("Nana Babs" as we call her). She agreed to come help me. Little did she know she was about to be in for the experience of a lifetime.
We walk into Sears. The photographer seemed nice enough. Grace loves attention, so I figured she would eat this up. We walked into the room. It was bright, small and at least 150 degrees. Grace looks at me. "I'm not goin in dere!"
And she stuck to her guns, that girl. I begged, I pleaded, I bribed. I will buy you candy, take you to the Disney store, buy you a freaking pony!! We did get her to sit for a few shots. Although, she wouldn't smile. And then when she smiled, Patrick wouldn't be smiling. The photographer tried to prop Patrick up against her. She moved away so he fell to the ground and squealed "He's TOUCHING me! Don't touch me, Patwick!!" Keep in mind, I am squatting on the floor, under a sheet, holding Patrick in the sitting position. I am sweating and on the verge of tears. I kept hissing through gritted teeth "Grace, cooperate. Sit still. SMILE goddamnit". Nana Babs stared in horror. The pinnacle moment was when Grace slapped the hand of the photographer away from her and yelled "I said don't touch me!!!" Seriously...I couldn't make this up. MORTIFYING!!!
OK, so here is where I probably could have made a better, more mature decision. After the torturous task of getting, like 2 decent shots in their outfits, I decide I want to change them into their Christmas jammies for a Christmas pic. I was there...I had already been through all this...might as well get what I came for. I was not going to lose this battle. So I took the two kids into the waiting room and wrestled pajamas on them. Nana Babs and the photographer both looked at me with a little fear in their eyes. This whole time I had not lost my cool. I never yelled. In fact, I was eerily quiet. I knew if I talked I was going to absolutely lose my shit. We had to keep some shred of dignity, right?
The photo shoot was over. I threw the kids into the carriage and booked it out of the store. Grace says..."Whew! Dat was ridiculous! Wet's go get some yunch." Amen, sister...amen.
Anyway, we got the Christmas shot and the Christmas card came out just as I had imagined. But not without a few battle scars. So if you got a Christmas card from the Bunkers this year, know that my blood, sweat and tears went into that bitch...literally.
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