Mommy lesson #2 - get a posse. You need people to have your back.
Grace was born in the cold, dark month of December. The days were short, the nights were long and the weather was typical New England - cold and snowy. I was hormonal, tired and lonely. I know...how can you possible be lonely when you are never actually alone. It is crazy but SO true. Being a new mother is incredibly lonely. It is you and a little butterball who yells at you (a lot) and demands your undivided attention.
I heard about these "new moms groups" that were really popular. I SOOOO didn't need that! I was young, hip and I had plenty of friends. I thought, who needs to join a group to make friends?
Oh yeah...this girl right here does.
So I was pretty crazy after I had Grace. Hormones were raging and tears were flowing. My doctor suggested I try a new moms group to have people to talk to. I was hesistant. I couldn't do ANYTHING without bursting into tears. Did I really want to get in front of a group of women I didn't know and lose my shit? Well, no...but I am pretty sure at this point, my husband was going to pack my bags and send me to the looney bin, so I had to give it a try.
The group met in the basement of a health club. I walked through a GYM, with fit and healthy and beautiful people. I was lugging a car seat with a newborn baby, sporting dirty hair, a flabby belly and a puke stained shirt. Yeah...this wasn't going well so far. I walked in to find a circle of women sitting on the floor with their infants.
I guess the best way to decribe it is this: picture an AA meeting. But instead of having an alcohol problem, you have a baby problem. "Hi, my name is Jill and I have a six week old." When it was my turn to talk, I was asked "Anything you want to talk about or ask, Jill?"
"Ummm, yeah....how the hell do you all take a shower???"
And then I heard the most brilliant thing that has ever come out of another human being's mouth...
"Just bring the bouncy seat into the bathroom. The warm room, the sound of the water and your voice will keep her calm."
I am a college educated woman...you mean to tell me I had to join a freakin' club to figure this out...but that is the beauty of it. The women there understand you are temporarily brain dead...and they are here to help. And they don't jusdge your puke stained shirt or greasy hair (well outwardly, anyway).
There was talking, laughing, crying. We chatted and fed our babies, drank coffee and found a refuge. Other people felt the same way I did...and actually had logical ideas. Child rearing, and keeping your sanity was actually a possibility. Glimmers of hope shone. Hallelujah!
I am still friends with all these women. Our children (who are now 2 and 3) still play together, and we still bounce ideas off each other. And it is totally the best place to bitch about how hard your week has been, or how your kid is driving you crazy. Misery most certainly does love company!
Oh...and it makes the playground SO much more tolerable when you have an adult to talk to!
