Pat (the hubster) and I have an ongoing argument...he is under the impression that I am having a hard time letting Grace grow up. pppffffttt...please!!! Me?? Having a hard time letting my baby grow up?? Well...maybe just a little.
This argument all stems from the fact that I still let Grace have her pacifier. Yeah...there I said it...I am a softie and I let my almost three year old use her pacifier.
Pat's brilliant idea is that we just take it away, cold turkey. And according to him, just have a few "hard days".
Understatement of the CENTURY. Yeah, OK. It all seems easy. Just take away her crutch, her prize possession. Listen to her whine and protest and then GO TO WORK. You won't have to listen to these whines and protests ALL day. So as I have very politely informed him, you are more than welcome to stay home and accomplish this goal, otherwise...back off, pal. We are in survival mode!
Alright, alright...let me explain. I do not let her roam around with a paci in her mouth when we are out and about. She needs the paci and her little lovey blanket to sleep. She has had them since she was only a few weeks old. When she started talking, some of her first words were "paci and moo?" Moo - is the name of that lovey blanket. Moo is actually a pink giraffe who was originally thought to be a cow (hence the name "Moo"). Also, although it is pink, Grace insists Moo is a boy. A pink boy giraffe named "Moo". Poor bastard has a serious identity crisis. But I digress.
Anyhoo, I guess I have just not had the energy or the heart to take away her beloved paci. It was the original plan that it would be taken away when she turned two. But by her second birthday I was in the throes of pregnancy and all the misery that comes with a first trimester. So did I want to listen to a screaming fit of rage? Absolutely not. I was a little busy growing a person...my bad.
In my defense, my pediatrician and the pediatric dentist BOTH told me not to worry about ditching the pacifier and that she would get rid of it when she was ready. My pediatrician actually said "Don't worry, Jill. She won't go to college using a pacifier." Nice thought, doc. But you haven't met Gracie.
I did try to enforce the "you can only have your paci in your bed" rule. I felt like I was living with a miniature crack addict. I would find her sitting on her bed taking a hit of her paci all throughout the day. I also found pacis stashed all over my house, in her toyboxes, behind couch cushions, behind my TV. And then I realized it. At the ripe old age of two, she was a perfect candidate for the show Intervention.
So it's not just about the paci (it never is, right?) Do you think it's a bad sign that whenever I think about sending her to preschool next year I throw up in my mouth a little?
Mind you, it is only October. I basically have a whole year to get acclimated to this idea. And maybe by next year I will feel differently. But right now, just the thought of her going to SCHOOL makes me ache on the inside.
I guess I will blame it on my personality, which is admittedly (slightly) type A. But the thought of leaving her with strangers, and trusting them to take care of her like I do is unbearable. I have been the one there EVERY day, for her whole life. I know what she likes and dislikes. I know how her little sensitive heart is broken way too easily. I am the one who can just take a glance at her and know exactly what she needs. How could I possible trust someone who just met her to do the same. Being away from her and not knowing what she is doing, who she is with, how she is feeling is too foreign a concept for me to even grasp.
And yet, I know that she is growing up. I see it in her sweet little face. She is losing her "baby" look. She is turning into a gorgeous little girl. I see it in her interactions with other people, and how well she can speak for herself, think for herself. Of course I want to raise a daughter who can stand on her own two feet. And I know she will.
So I guess, the way I see it is that she still is a baby. She is MY baby. She will be 20 years old and still be my baby. And in each part of her life, I am sure there will be new ways I "baby" her. I think to myself, she is only two. We'll get rid of that paci, and I will send her off to school. But for now, I think we will just stay the course. I only get this very short window of opportunity to have her all to myself, before I have to send her out and share her with the world.
And when I do...look out world, you have NO idea what you are up against. Consider yourself warned.
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