If breast is best, then I guess I'm taking the silver medal

One of the most stressful things in the first few weeks of my new role as a mother was breastfeeding. And mind you...I teach other people how to do this for a living.

One of the first questions they ask you prenatally - "Do you plan on breastfeeding?" My response "I'll give it a try and see how it goes." Being an OB nurse I know full well that breastfeeding isn't easy. There are a lot of factors that have to fall into place. I said that I would give it a try, and not stress if it didn't work.

WRONG!

My hormones raged, my baby wouldn't latch and my world fell apart. What the hell was wrong with me?? It was so incredibly frustrating, and I was failing at my first task as a mother.

Oh, and I am not just talking about the first time around. This same scenario happened after Patrick was born. I'll admit it, I don't like to admit defeat.

 I spent two weeks sitting in a chair, every two hours, begging my baby to latch. She cried. I cried. I pumped. She stared at my boob and if she could talk, she absolutely would have said "And what the hell do you expect me to do with THAT?!"

Sounds like a lot of fun, right?

Anyhoo...after a few weeks and a lot of tears, I reluctantly gave up the breastfeeding (with both of my kids) and they were happily bottlefed. Grace was rarely sick. She was smart, bright, funny, well adjusted and loved me. Formula, indeed had not permanently damaged her.  And with Patrick, well, so far so good.

You see, it is baby formula. Nutritious, well balanced, and NOT rat poison as some would have you assume.

I know a lot of people say that they get grief for breastfeeding in public. And I totally get that. I am sure breastfeeding mothers get stares and snickers. But people should realize that as a bottlefeeding mom, I can also feel judgemental glares coming my way when I pull out my baby's drink of choice.

Truth be told, as mothers we all get a lot of unwarranted advice and judgement. However...

Happy mothers = happy babies. We are all just trying to keep our babies happy and healthy in the best way we know how. What works for one family, does not work for another.

I have forgiven myself for not breastfeeding. And I know now that bottlefeeding was the right choice for me.