The "F" word

And no...it is not the word you are thinking of.

It is a dirty little three letter word that is banned in our house.

F-A-T

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with a girl, I decided that this word and all it's counterparts (chubby, chunky, plump...you get it) would be banned from my vocabulary. To be perfectly honest,  I would rather hear you say the actualy four letter "F" word, than "FAT" around my kids. Let me explain.

I have ALWAYS had body issues. As the chubby girl raised in a family of thin women, I have always struggled with my body image and self confidence. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I can't remember a time when I wasn't on a diet. I am a little like the Rain Man in the sense that I can look at a meal and tell you how many calories it is, how many Weight Watchers points it is worth, or whether it is Atkins friendly. It is exhausting, and consuming and I never want my daughter to live this way. I know I can't control it for her entire life, but I can now.

Words burn. Somebody can say one tiny, meaningless thing not realizing it can shape your whole idea of yourself and how you will portray yourself in the future. Stinging little zingers - "Oh look how chubby you're getting." or "Wow, you're really filling out" or "Don't worry, it is just a phase, you'll sprout up and thin right out". Well I am 5 feet tall...that last one didn't quite pan out. And I can't even tell you how many times I have heard "You have a such a pretty face". Well let me say, that is a such an ass backward compliment.

So, needless to say, I am a little sensitive about how people talk to my daughter. It makes me cringe when I hear someone tell her she has "chubby little legs" or a "fat little bum". I know people can think it is cute and playful. But I also know my daughter absorbs everything and is already analyzing the crap out of every little thing she hears. Today she was "exercising" with her daddy. He was doing his workout regimen and she tries to copy him. When they were done, she came into the room and announced to me "Momma, look...I was exercising and now my belly is smaller!" Where the hell does she come up with this stuff? I realized in this moment it is going to get harder and harder to shield her.

"Exercising is really healthy for you, Grace. I am so proud of you." This is the route I am going. Focusing on the positive. She has been really into talking about what is "healthy" to eat and what isn't. So we talk a lot about that. Luckily, she really loves her fruit and veggies, so that makes my life a little easier. Because let's face it, trying to sell the whole "healthy living" thing would be a real bitch if the only fruit or veggies she was into came in the form of gummy bears and potato chips.

Now here is the upside to this whole rampage. Trying to teach my daughter healthy living and having a positive self image has made me, for the first time in my life, not so obsessed. I have decided the only way I can really teach her how I want her to live is to actually live that way myself. I don't obsess about food. I eat when I am hungry and try to make smart choices. I try to keep healthy options in the house. I do not make her clean her plate, or eat if she isn't hungry. And I don't let her pick on junk all day. When I feel she has had enough sweets I don't let her have anymore. But if she is hungry I will never deny her food. She is welcome to pick on fruit, cheese, veggies, yogurt. She is active and bouncy and obviously loves to run around (as all three year olds do).

So this is a part of my parenting job that is very important to me, and scares the hell out of me. So far it is actually pretty easy. But the thought of parenting a teenage girl at some point is so freaking daunting (for a variety of reasons). Guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it. And hopefully I will become a little wiser along the way.